God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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