He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
