I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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