My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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