You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
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Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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