Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
