my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
