I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
