If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
