I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
