i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
