Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't put those talents on a resume
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
