I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
