Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize