So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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