I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
