Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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