No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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