genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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