Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
