It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
