We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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