my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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