I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
