he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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