And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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