You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
