you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
