Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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