i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
