oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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