Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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