She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
