No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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