my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
