He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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