She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
