Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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