i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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