i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
