I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
