Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What did we do last night that was yellow?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
