If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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