white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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