why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
