just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
