So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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