Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
