Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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