I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
