Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
