Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
