Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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