im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
