I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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