It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
