Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
