You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
